HOW BASKETBALL SAVED MY LIFE

As a young child I was always interested in the game of basketball. My father had a large influence in that path. From the time I could crawl my father put a little fisher price basketball in my hands. We would watch the NCAA tournament together every year and cheer for the Duke blue devils. I even vaguely remember watching Michael Jordan play for North Carolina and my father’s beloved coach, Mike Krzyzewski. I would say I was more influenced by the college basketball scene. Mainly because we had 6 analog channels growing up and thank god for basketball on 2 of them during the tournament time.

As I grew up I became enthralled with the Toronto Raptors and players like: Vince Carter, Steve Nash, Shaquille O’neal, and even the late great Kobe Bryant. I loved to hate Kobe. He was infamously the hardest player to guard and he only moved 3 steps each possession. It was something I had watched MJ do for his entire career. They were both fundamentally sound players and defenders. I idolized Nash for his ability to see everything that happened on the court and think ahead of the rest of the players. It also didn’t hurt that he was one of the only Canadian players in the NBA at that time.

Basketball was a sport that brought me a lot of different things. It gave me focus, it taught me discipline, it taught me fair play and sportsmanship (even if others didn’t have any). It was a sport that as I got older I also started to realize that my ego was not as big as the rest of the players out there. I enjoyed playing the sport for the competition yes, but eventually that was soured by other player’s egos and poor sportsmanship. I was playing at a high level and being a tall, skinny, white, country kid with game at that time wasn’t exactly appreciated the same way other players were. Fast forward through my playing career of countless tournaments and high school basketball games that my father supported me through the whole way… I no longer play competitively; between the career ending injury and the lack of desire to deal with the egos of today’s game – I play pick up here and there or shoot around and run my drills alone. You may be asking how did basketball save my life?

There were actually 3 ways basketball saved me. The first was when I was just starting my competitive career, playing for a local travel team. Instead of hanging out with some of the kids on our street who were red neck thief’s and juvenile delinquents, I was at basketball practice 2–3 times a week and tournaments every other weekend. I could have easily wound up like my neighbour who was in juvie 3 times before he was 16 and in jail 2 more times by the time he was 18. But my dad made sure I was engaged in something and basketball was it for me. If basketball was not a strong influence in my life at that time, I shudder to think where I would be right now.

The second time basketball saved my life was when I was in university. I was scouted to play for the team and was attending a pre season workout/camp when I had my career ending injury. A right jab step rip through to the left on a larger slower senior player (who was not happy after I beat him twice already 1 on 1), decided to turn and drive his knee into the back of my hip.. throwing me 5 feet to the left. He had 20 lbs and at least 6 years on me. I was 18 and still a bit too slim. But the damage was done. I felt a tear in my groin and hamstring. And I was in a lot of pain. Thankfully the tear(s) were only second degree and not full tears. The coaches told me I should come back next year but didn’t offer any support, and when I asked if I could still practice with the team they waived me off. It was clear, my dreams of playing university basketball were over before they could begin. But there was a silver lining in all of this. I learned soon after injuring myself that the coach made a big speech to the rest of the players about prioritizing basketball over school and that we were expected to drop our courses so that we could focus on basketball.. I don’t know about you but I was not about to extend my time in university, pay even more money, and put my schooling in jeopardy just so I could sit on a bench for 2 years; break the line up in my 3rd, only to have 2 more years of eligibility left.

I was depressed. I was no stranger to depression either because I was always overthinking and having expectations for certain things that always frustrated me when they didn’t go according to plan. I remember partying and drinking excessively with my housemates in those first two months.. it was not helping me. I was barely passing my courses. But something happened.. I met one of my now best friends in first year anatomy. I did not know a single person in my seminar and I was paired up with him and we started talking basketball. We loved the same three NCAA schools: Duke, Michigan State and Syracuse. He had the same story I did. Played competitively through high school and travel teams and had a career ending injury through lacrosse and basketball. But all of a sudden basketball was the thing again. My father was coaching a team and asked me to come coach here and there doing guest practices. I started wanting to do more. I started rehabbing myself back to a good condition that I could play again. I put on 15lbs of muscle in my 2nd year all thanks to my friend who worked out with me every day we could. Basketball gave me life again, it gave me coaching experiences and confidence to get back on the court. It gave me a lifelong friendship that I will never take for granted. It gave me an eternal bond with my father and brother. If not for basketball I might have become a completely different person. I may have become egocentric and wasted my academic potential later in my schooling if my injury did not happen. I may have spiralled into a depression after my injury with no end in site. Making poorer and poorer choices. I’m glad things worked out the way they did though. I’m looking forward to coaching again post pandemic.

The third and final way basketball has most recently saved my life was actually this year during the pandemic. A lot of me died this past year. My innocence, my youth and my mental and physical health. At the beginning of the pandemic my uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. This was a huge shock and a crushing blow to our already small family. My uncle was a third parent to me and my siblings and loved and cared for us more than any other relative I have ever known. He would pass at the beginning of 2021 a couple days after his birthday. It still hurts to talk about it and I do not think I will get over it fully for a long time. Around the same time I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. We were talking about buying a house and having children one minute and then breaking up the next. Not to mention a pandemic is happening all around us… mental health issues are at an all time high. I work in healthcare and I’m watching my friends and colleagues being redeployed to covid units and there’s always a sense that there is danger every time you step outside your home. To top it all off I tested positive for covid 19 this past spring exactly a week after receiving my first dose of the vaccine. (Disclaimer: I work in an inpatient setting in a health care field and I was still taking the risk of going to my gym. The vaccine did not give me COVID) My family and members of my bubble were all negative. A miracle. I had a mild case but I was a healthy fit young individual and being reduced to barely being able to walk half a block was maddening.

It was March, and it was tournament time. I was off work for the entire tournament and isolated. I called my parents often and watched the tournament. My dad and I would text over the games and talk about the players and situations. Something we have been doing for a very long time. My mom brought me tons of food so that could watch the games and rest. Covid was not a normal flu.. I had difficulty breathing and I couldn’t walk 500 meters without having to sit down. But the games gave me motivation. The more I watched, the more I practiced my breathing exercises and I started to exercise in my little apartment with resistance bands and a 30lbs dumbbell. There was data to suggest that lifting heavy weights during Covid could drastically damage your heart and to be honest I believed the science because my heart pounded after a slow casual walk up a wheel chair ramp, never mind doing bands and light weighted exercises… I never pushed my luck though and was very conscientious of how much exertion was appropriate and what I could withstand.

Whenever I could though I was building my cardio up and keeping my strength. Eventually I was able to breathe a bit more normally. And I decided I would take my basketball and go to an outdoor court. It was like heaven because I was alone with only my thoughts and desire to be healthy again. I was so out of practice but I worked on my dribbling, my shooting and even worked my way up to a dunk (much later). Basketball was one of the only ways I could tune out the negative thoughts in my head, the sadness from losing my uncle and ex girlfriend, the crushing stress of not knowing when the pandemic would end or if I would have any lasting effects from the virus.

It was the only thing that could bring my focus back when I got real depressed. I have never admitted this to anyone, but death has always been on my mind, and it was present everywhere in my life… I considered it.. I considered how death would feel. I didn’t really know how to or want to know how to do it. But any time I would get that depressed, I would pick up my basketball and go to the court and I would work until those thoughts and feelings were gone. There is one other reason I’m alive outside of basketball and that is due to the support system I have in place. My family, my friends, my coworkers even, and at that time a new significant other. They all helped me through some of the darkest times of my entire life. I encourage anyone reading this to reach out to your support system and tell them you love them, and/or tell them about how you are feeling.

Basketball was a catalyst for me in many ways to grow and change and evolve. I will be involved in this sport for as long as I can be. I owe it so much and can’t wait to give back what it and the people who love it gave me. I’m including a picture of the court I used to play on. I still go there from time to time to clear my mind and get a sweat on.